Clouds and snow.. Asking- are you Free?

Clouds and snow.. Asking- are you Free?

My day with the Clouds By Hoda Hadadi.

Can a children’s book be so lyrical yet political, poignant with images, yet reverberating with questions. Hoda Hadadi, the Iranian author and illustrator is capable of creating so with subtle brush strokes, minimal texts and loads of imagination.

The original text in Persian, translated in English and published in India by Eklavya, seems to be relevant for all ages. It will appeal to you as a poetry, how you want it to unfold. It traces the life of a child (throughout very intelligently Hadadi never speaks about gender of the child throughout- since that shouldn’t matter- should it really?) and the mother as they wade through their morning chores waiting for the sky to give snow and clouds. Often the clouds become the knitting of the mother, in between her fingers wound in soft wool and often appears in the songs of the children as they pray for snowfall, apparently disappeared six years ago. As the sky sends snow instead of rain, the children rush out to play, and we see through the image a face looking through the glass. Slowly the metaphors become clear… through the last lines..

There was a lot of snow in our courtyard.

My friend and I ran in there in our warm

New jackets and played snowball.

Mother watched us from the window

And smiled.

She too wanted to run, but she had

Forgotten how to because she had not

Run for a long time.

How many such mothers do we know. Is it about Iran only with its repression or is it about women, who forget slowly how to run, dance, smile, move freely, open the windows and rush out? Do we notice how our mothers slowly confine themselves inwards. Or we celebrate their confinement by deifying them as sacrificial beings, through advertisement commercials, movies, media, typifying them and slowly reducing them to strange orbital planes..

The clouds and the snow call out to them and indeed they must have forgotten to run…

Marjane Satrapi's Persepolis and Embroideries have given us an idea of Iran, however this is universal.. all across, connecting theme of obedience...

Feminist Fables… Unprincess and Girls to the Rescue..

Feminist Fables… Unprincess and Girls to the Rescue..

I have borrowed the title beginning from Suniti Namjoshi’s fabulous Feminist Fables. (a lovely read but adults may enjoy that more). However, what were those stories or fairy-tales or fables that we grew up reading- those of the princesses as damsels in distress, waiting for the prince, or fairies, or frogs or whomsoever, but never taking “agency” or acting on their own. Often as a child I used to think- but they were princesses… with all that they could have? Why do they never do anything, except being dragged around, kidnapped, rescued, tortured, scared (by wolves and their kind), and above all…in one story checked their “princesshood and its reality” by being made to sleep on layers of mattresses with a pea pod beneath or a hair strand…The real princess has to be sensitive about the small hair strand and unable to sleep, lest the prince be betrayed by a strong-willed woman, irreverent about hair strands and blue eyes.

However, in recent days, we can see winds of change. Children can cherish and so can we all… to read about Unprincesses.

As Manjula Padmanavan writes about prince and princesses in her collection of 3 stories Unprincess of 3 feisty girls- when confronted with a problem

“being princesses there was only one thing they could really do well in a crisis.  And that was to scream and cry and so they did……..meanwhile there were little boys who were princes. But no one had taught them how to deal with giants (read problems) of the type that attack school buses. Being princes they knew that the only right and honorable course of action to take in the situations they had not been trained to face was to play some sort of game. So they all whipped out their trusty Nintendos and Game Boys. And they played with ferocious zeal known only to those whose lives are endangered by situations they have not yet been trained to face”.

Manjula here says things in an extremely light-hearted way, but doesn’t it resonate so well with the patriarchy.. how often men laugh about and stay out of situations at home, saying those are domestic, feminine issues and we should not interfere.

Manjula creates her heroine Kavita as the unprincess who “ had not been born with her instructions for life already arranged neatly inside her brain even before she had learnt to understand speech. She had to stop and think before she acted. And so she frequently did so.”

Kavita was the unprincess, freed from the social conditioning, the burden of obedience. She believed in having a mind of her own and that made her un-disneyfied, the “Unprincess”.

All the 3 stories are unique and challenges stereotypes, part fantasy, part science fiction and with wonderful illustrations, Unprincess is a wonderful read for all. The story Urmila the Ultimate in fact is even more stark. Urmila from the beginning of the story is said to be “ugly”, a burden her parents are oblivious of. They prefer an unsocial life rather than considering Urmila ugly.  In fact the most heart-warming part of the story is , when in a bizarre incident someone openly tells her parents about her ugliness and the distress it causes to others, tipping the world off its feet, this is what her parents hgad to say- “ She is too unique to be contained by mere laws and statutes….if the rest of the world doesn’t appreciate your appearance that’s their problem, not ours! You look perfectly wonderful to us, and that’s what counts!.... I hope you realize that we, your parents, value you for what you are, and don’t care a fig for the bourgeois notions of beauty that appear to exercise the minds of everyone we know.”.

In real world, lets hope such parents are more, who get the courage to embrace their children, their daughters as they are.. since its high time Unprincesses are encouraged to be as they are and to claim their piece of world.

Sowmya Rajendran’s Girls to the Rescue is another interesting read. Sowmya, feels “ princesses are mega bores. They simply wait.. for the prince, even for someone to find their shoes, waiting for the world to turn better..” Sowmya knows that none of us have that kind of patience. So she decides to twist the tales of the princesses. She gives them the might and they claim their rights..

Hence Rapunzel’s father is a barber who thinks she should have long hair, while her mother’s an astronaut. Rapunzel is locked lest she cuts off her tresses, which she does on her own. The prince, poor thing already burdened with the expectations of his king-father of him becoming a warrior, while he loves slow dance and studying beetles, just happens to pass off his sword. And yes Rapunzel, does make him her friend, but “ to enjoy the moment”.

And Sleeping Beauty- well she happens to take birth with the king and queen literally blackmailed by all to have a baby of their own. The Queen has dreams of her own, to finish her book on botany, but how to manage with a baby whose biological clock never sets to  let her sleep. There comes the mad fairy to make the baby sleep, till the mother gets over her post-partum anxiety and manager her career and ambition.

These books are such breath of fresh air. A Must read for all and thanks.. stories are changing…

The Vegetarian-Agency, Violence and the Surreal

The Vegetarian By Han Kang

"‘I didn’t, you see. I thought trees stood up straight … I only found out just now. They actually stand with both arms in the earth, all of them. Look, look over there, aren’t you surprised?’ Yeong-hye sprang up and pointed to the window. ‘All of them, they’re all standing on their heads.’ Yeong-hye laughed frantically. In-hye remembered" (from "Vegetarian: A Novel" by Han Kang)

The above is exclaimed by Yeong-Hye supposed to be delirious and schizophrenic who refuses to eat to her elder sister In-Hye. And as this quote grips me, embrace me, I struggle to interpret it- As I often speak about layers, this speaks to me in layers, from multiple angles- the agency of Yeong_hye or that of any woman which is almost absent and often are said to make choices in coercion. Or it is the way we want to look into things, our empathy and being one with them engulfs us wholly that it destroys us- however Yeong-Hye questions this tragedy asking, why is it so sad to die?

And when did all these things start? From the moment Yeong- Hye married for the last 5 years, a docile, almost insignificant house-wife, whom her husband dismisses at the beginning of the novel as to be completely unremarkable in every way takes the decision of becoming a vegetarian and gives up eating meat. All hell breaks loose. In fact it becomes unfathomable and unacceptable to the husband, as well as to her own parents, siblings.  Her husband almost starts thinking himself as a victim, being denied of being served non-vegetarian food and of course of sex. Yeong-Hye refuses physical relationship stating his sweat smells of meat which is abhorring to her. However that doesn’t stop Mr. Cheong to violate her wishes. And this violence goes on throughout the book.  In fact Han Kang doesn’t give any voice to Yeong-Hye throughout the novel.  Her thoughts are just italicized, as some soliloquys within herself. 

However Yeong- Hye though is an omnipresent character in the book, the entire novel is written in 3 parts, where the narrator changes from the first part being Mr. Cheong, Hye’s husband, amazed at his own victimhood (that’s how he speaks about these incidences), to In-Hye’s (Yeong Hye’s elder sister) husband. He gets enamored with Yeong- Hye, now divorced and under medication, post suicidal trauma. In fact consent is something constantly questioned in the novel. In-Hye seems to be much surer and successful than her artist husband, who find In-Hye’s goodness almost oppressive.   Its not his relationship with Yeong- Hye that makes In-Hye turn against him. She thinks him to be manipulative and selfish, who never thought that Yeong-Hye is unwell and under medication- and this relationship is again violation of her rights to be in an “agency to decide”. And this is when the third and final part of the novel starts. In In-Hye’s voice. Suddenly the successful business woman, the only woman in the novel who earns her living, takes care of the family, leads a cosmetic chain and has a voice as a narrator.. feels the futility of her own self. Questions why she had not raised her voice earlier, when her father tried to force-feed meat to Yeong-Hye? Why now- when her own husband is in the act? Is it a personal deceit that she is trying to hide in form of love or concern..

As she reminisces about their childhood, when one day the two sisters losing their way in the mountains, Yeong-Hye shared the happy possibility of never being able to trace her way back home… that revelation dawns upon her..

"Only after all this time was she able to understand why Yeong-hye had said what she did. Yeong-hye had been the only victim of their father’s beatings. Such violence wouldn’t have bothered their brother Yeong-ho so much, a boy who went around doling out his own rough justice to the village children. As the eldest daughter, In-hye had been the one who took over from their exhausted mother and made a broth for her father to wash the liquor down, and so he’d always taken a certain care in his dealings with her. Only Yeong-hye, docile and naive, had been unable to deflect their father’s temper or put up any form of resistance. Instead, she had merely absorbed all her suffering inside her, deep into the marrow of her bones. Now, with the benefit of hindsight, In-hye could see that the role that she had adopted back then of the hard-working, self-sacrificing eldest daughter had been a sign not of maturity but of cowardice. It had been a survival tactic.  Could I have prevented it? Could I have prevented those unimaginable things from sinking so deep inside of Yeong-hye and holding her in their grip? She saw her sister again, as a child, her back and shoulders and the back of her head as she stood alone in front of the main gate at sunset. The two of them had eventually made it down off the mountain, but on the opposite side from where they’d started. They’d hitched a ride on a power tiller back to their small town, hurrying along the unfamiliar road as darkness fell. In-hye had been relieved, but not her sister."

She questions the reason of her conformity, so long, to the parents, to the family, to the husband.. to look at success in this manner.. whereas what does Yeong Hye do in her schizophrenia, giving up meat and then wanting to be the tree, with hands in the ground, lest the hands become something else tugging at flesh, plucking and seizing from others.. an act of violence.. Well non-violence did lead to her death…

The Vegetarian is actually a first of its kind novel for me, surreal in a sense. In fact its difficult for me to describe the feeling. And of course I am looking at it from the angle of women and agency in the Asian context. However also it reflects on the effect of trying to change the norms or ways of “oppression” (may be), at refusing to violate rights, be it that of the animals or the plants, to rid one-self of the carnal desires- the state of Yeong-Hye, from being the body of a beautiful young woman, conventionally an object of desire..to becoming a body void of any desire… metaphorically death and that’s what came to Yeong Hye.

Fence…Us and Them…and our Pieces of Sky..

Fence…Us and Them…and our Pieces of Sky.. 

(Fence is written by Ila Arab Mehta translated by Rita Kothari)

A fact and now referred to as the “feminist myth “about the women’s property holding states:

While women represent half the global population and one-third of the labor force, they receive only one-tenth of the world income and own less than one percent of world property. They are also responsible for two-thirds of all working hours.

Current day, this is a highly debated statistics, however that doesn’t take away the fact of deprivation and marginalization women face across the world. Even today renting a house if you are a single woman and trying to have an independent life is difficult- unless of course you can negotiate with your financial prowess. The inheritance laws are blur and the avenues and access are limited.  And imagine if you are woman who belongs to a minority or marginalized community, who wants to stay in a cosmopolitan, believing in the same democratic and constitutional rights of equality and equity? Will it be easy?

Needless to say, we often read newspaper reports of the gated communities and housing societies which deny rights to stay to people belonging to a particular community, caste, city, origin. We are so scared. So what you dreamt of having your own piece of sky with dignity. There are invisible fences and barbed wires all around.

Fence is a story of Fateema, her dreams and her belief in multiple possibilities. Fateema Lokhandwala, the second born in the impoverished family of 4 siblings and parents, almost scraping to make ends meet. Fateema however is full of optimism. Fateema, as one friend of mine had once pointed out to me, “a differently sounding name”, not the Amars and Sheetals, we get to meet and share our space every day is no different from any other girl in her dreams and ambition in reality. Neither is her family. Khatijaben, Fateema’s mother is a feisty woman who wants her daughter to study, to become someone else, their hope of turn-around of the daily grind of poverty. Fateema is a bright girl, who truly believes in the poem in class, which Gaekwad Sir teaches:

Holding a hand in a hand
Joining a heart to a heart
On the path of progress
We shall fly away

Fateema, feels herself as much a part of the small village in the once princely state in Gujarat and as the brightest star of Navprabhat High school that no fence exists in her mind. Her best friend is Chandan, the daughter of an austere Jain family. Majeedbhai and Khatijaben are also not the parents one would like to believe associated with the name like Fateema. They refuse a life of security promised by few people in order to keep on sending their daughter to school. Fateema comes to Ahmedabad to study and on her way to buy her house one day when she and her ba can stay and have their own piece of sky.

It is there Fateema, faces the Fence.. every now and then, be it in the suspicious eyes of the local police who may summon her at any pretext or the absolute denial of a property agent to even show her a house. Once an apologetic dealer, tells her of his limitation- Others will be afraid of Fateema and her likes, to buy a flat in the same complex. “ She may eat meat, she may prefer sacrifices, have non-vegetarian dishes, have different festivals”… In reality, they have already created a story about Fateema, even she could create or tell her own and thereby a fence… Her trials donot end, in her own family, her brother started distrusting “others” and even there Fateema with her logic and her sense of history is an outsider..

Hand in Hand, heart to heart… Fateema still believes that’s possible… how else could she have met Manuben or Manoramaben (Fateema addresses her as Manuben remembering Manuben in Sabarmati Ashram working with Gandhiji, something that melts the heart this warden), the warden of the hostel she stayed during her college days….One who was always protective of her, shielded her and kept extending her stay.. this is the humanity she believed in, her right to exist as she is, with all others.  Her dream home had to be with each other and not in a ghetto…. Where there is an invisible categorization, the labelling of “people like her”, us and them…

There are instances where Fateema’s Gujarati (though Fateema is as much a Gujarati born and brought up in Saurashtra) Hindu friends and students wonder asking her- “are, you are Mohammedan? You are like us only”… and amused Fateema wonders can it not be the other way, they are all like her... (I remembered Chimamanda’s Americanah where her American room-mate was disappointed to see her taste of music and her English—Chimamanda, didn’t fit into the story they made for her...)

Ladies hostel was not her choice, that’s not the independence she wanted for herself. History liberated her, she believed in multiple stories…

Fence seems so real to me... something I can understand and relate to very well and so can anyone else... be it the girls leading the “Pinjra Tod” Campaign, where they believe that none has the right to select moral code for girls- and staying away and late nights donot define a single story of moral conduct for girls or boys and girls be it from Kashmir or Nigeria or North East states, LGBT or Single, wanting to rent a space of their own… and when they encounter the fence, the rising barbed wars saying “ No entry”, basis stereotypes and carrying burdens of misinterpreted identities…

Fence belongs to Fateema and us all….and when can we free ourselves from these borrowed sense of identities and scared souls creating fences to safeguard these “false friends”??

In Search of Shiva- Monolith and its Multitude of Narratives

In Search of Shiva- Monolith and its Multitude of Narratives

I discovered Haroon Khalid by chance- serendipity.  Or is it really Serendipity, that my agnostic soul tries to define something which my mother would have said- Destiny or Karmic Connection.
In fact now if I state the happenings of the last few weeks- you may decide what you would like to call it (and in fact it may also be so that only now I am citing the incidents connecting them to this serendipity)

The Azaadi lecture series over the JNU row

The Debate regarding Nationalism and Identity

Reading Amir Malouf in a group and my melt-down at a particular moment

The ICC Twenty- Twenty (Men’s) World Cup and Pakistan and India’s face-off

The decision of declaring Holi as a national holiday in the Sindh province of Pakistan

The last had brought back to me memories of my PG classes. My Professor Dr. Rita Kothari who was involved in post partition migration studies relating to the Sindhis had exposed me to various ideas, cultures, possibilities, syncretism often suppressed by the majoritarian aggression. One of her works Unbordered Memories- Sindhi Stories of Partition has the story (translated from Sindhi to English) by Amar Jaleel viz. Holi. The story tells of an old man in Sindh Pakistan, in his effort to explain a young audience as to what is Holi and the Happiness surrounding it, feels at loss of words- How could he explain something which none has seen, and ask them to lament the practice. In fact when I read about the celebration of Holi in Sindh Pakistan, this story came to my mind. I tried googling to find facts and fragments as to how they are thinking of celebrating. Will they be jubilant or afraid lest the extremists who have sworn to wipe out any paganism avenge this act against the “faith”?  I couldn’t find much, except few quotes of people when asked saying they are very happy. But what about the stories or narratives.  Those who had seen Holi and those who may experience this for the first time. Will the festival be of Holi or that of recognition of one's rights for practice of culture or faith- something with Jinnah had promised once? The white of the green and white flag of Pakistan covers one-quarter of the total flag area and stands for the religious minorities of the country. Why do we then always look at Pakistan as a land of failures, something gone awfully wrong, that of religious extremism, or bearded mullahs and conspiring and conniving terrorists? Finally an article on scroll (again serendipity- article link-http://scroll.in/article/805483/a-piece-of-cloth-ties-three-distinct-religious-traditions-together-in-pakistan) helped me to discover Haroon Khalid and his works. Sitting at the airport, waiting for a flight delayed by hours (thanks to the beefed up security post Brussels and the doubtful, suspecting CISF teams), I decided to look into my Kindle and find Haroon. I had to push Sumitravanti aka Mitro away from my mind for a while (was reading Mitro Marjani by Krishna Sobti) and decided to know about Folk Religious Practices in Pakistan. (Quite a long story to explain serendipity).

It is a wonderful piece of work- suddenly presenting before us the kaleidoscope viz, Pakistan, where people call the river Chenab as the river of love- Heer Ranjha, Soni- Mahiwal all had their stories of love and lost along Chenab. And so did the folk religions.  The rivers framed the Indus Valley and the narratives have to happen along the river.

The book starts at an interesting premise showing the angry protests against the “considered blasphemous” movie Innocence of Muslims- a picture of Pakistan too known to us at this part of the subcontinent and slowly Haroon takes us for visits to these wondrous magical places, which defy the very idea of Pakistan painted in monochromes.

We get to read about the Shrine of Baba Mast, where an annual fair goes one visited by eunuchs all over the place- dancing, swirling like dervishes. Baba Mast a Sufi pir, had embraced the eunuchs, his shrine being the place where they feel welcome, emancipated and loved. That is also what defined Sufism- rebellion against the normative society. Bulle Shah was said to be serving as a servant to a dancing girl. In the Baba Mast Shrine, one of the delicacies served is Chatna- said to be the male version of chutney. Haroon writes-“in the shrine of eunuchs even the sexuality of the food needed identification”. Haroon takes us to Shrine of Aban Shah, which serves as a shrine of fertility cult- women worship to procreate and offer phallic symbols of wood to the shrine- something the Wahhabis or the Deobandis, the majoritarian, puritanical form of Islam would despise.  Consumption of Hasseesh in these shrines are common (against Islam) and in fact is a “quasi-religion veneration”. Sufism describes Hasseesh as a medium to get lost and one in different forms:

Al-luqaymah-little green bite

Musilat-al-qalb-what binds the heart

Waraq-i-kheyal-leaf of insight

And do they remind us of our bhang during holi? Haroon takes us to the shrine of Peer Abbas Kutiyanali Sarkar- a shrine which loves and reveres dogs –something prohibited and unfathomable in Islam. There are sacred tombs of the legendary dogs Mohsin and Qamar. The shrine however started on the very human act of kindness, when on a day of torrential rain, Peer Abbas gave shelter to a bitch and her pups, who in turn grew fond of the place and protected the dargah. And the rest, it still continues.  We get to know of Raiwind, Jamaat-e Tablighi- a madrassa, people all over the world come to study Quran, renunciating materialism to choose the spiritual. This is in fact one of the largest in the world and have celebrities getting attracted to the Raiwind- the Pakistan cricket team Saeed Anwar followed by Inzamam and later Yousuf Youhana (the only Christian in the team). They call the materialistic life Jahallya, which you are to renounce and never look back. The earliest band- musician of Pakistan Juanaid Jamshed also is a convert to Tableeghi Jamaat- and in case if anyone recalls the movie Khuda Kay Liye by Shoaib Mansoor, Mansoor, recalled his co-musician Junaid Jamshed and his disappointing embrace to the faith. There is also a shrine of crows, showing the earliest Hindu tranditions, ambracing Sufism, where in Hindusim crows link between living and the dead.

The interesting chapter in the one viz. Syncretism in the Mainstream.  Haroon Khalid speaks of these shrines and the people practicing the sect to be small and disparate away from the main cities and can give a false idea that, this is why they are preserved and there is no possibilities of such anomalies in the mainstream. However there are- and one of the biggest example of that is the Eid-E- Milad- celebrating the Birthday of the prophet (something the puritanical and currently resurgent form of Islam is against). Eid- e- Milad- Un-Nabi is few centuries old as a practice and is said to be inspired by the thousand old Hindu tradition of Ram Navami. In fact the Tableegh was happy to continue this ritual, since they feel that the “Hindu Styled lighted and decorative festivals helps on mobilizing people towards the faith”. The second is the kirtan Styled Sikh Music which is said to be inspired from Quawwali. This is the claim of many anthropologists.

The most interesting visit is of course the Shrine of Sahiban at Khweia and the Mai-Heer mosque at Jhang (for Heer the eternal lover). Sahiban, the brave lover of Mirza who eloped and later died in the hands of her brother. Haroon recalls that at Khweiwa, where Sahiban’s mosque stands, every girl or woman seemed to be “Sahiban”- bold, proactive. And moreover having the mosque of a woman who eloped against family with her lover, is itself against the very sanctimonious premise of Islam. However wasn’t that also depiction of Sufism, to be lost in love?

Sahiban's mosque at Khweiwa

The two nation theory, laments Khalid, destroyed the scope of these multiple possibilities. The Pakistani education system is devoid of any cultural and historical understanding of the region. This poses the “danger of a single story”- painted in broad strokes, solving the nationalistic propaganda- something I think we are all very familiar with in recent times in India as well.

I would request all to read this book, at least to discover the scopes of this fascinating syncretism. And the next time when we speak of women and oppression in terms of Burqa in Pakistan (or any Islamic country) we can also then think of Sahiban’s or Heer's Mosque and the respect for her not as a disloyal daughters bringing ignominy but as someone, who had the courage to love and follow her mind, the eunuchs at the shrine of Baba Mast and their fierce dances like Shiva’s Tandav and the River Chenab lovingly criss-crossing the country telling tales of love and longing.

OBEDIENCE and ITS MYRIAD POSSIBILITIES...

Obedience and Its Myriad Possibilities:

Graphic Works are of great interest to me. In fact I try and get hold of graphic novels (not the superhero comic or manga, but of a fictional narrative form presented in graphics). Had read about Ayesha Tariq’s Sarah- the Suppressed Anger of the Pakistani Obedient Daughter. Found the premise interesting and hence had to order it.  However the waiting time was long. Finally the book arrived.

For me it was a really long day at work and reached home at around 10.45 p.m. with already a To Do list in my mind- packing for travel commencing the next day, finishing some routine emails and follow-ups and planning for the week starting 28^th March.

The click of the latch turning to open the main door had hardly died down, when on the table I found the parcel and the thin size told me clearly that finally Sarah has arrived from Pakistan (pun intended) to suburban Mumbai. And pushed the To DO list away for a few hours and sat down with the book.

The illustration style is excellent- sharing the url for anyone who wants to have a look online-https://www.behance.net/gallery/4614361/The-Suppressed-Anger-of-the-Pakistani-Obedient-Daughter And minimal text. The illustration can give way to imagination and interpretation and thereby can be taken to people who may find text heavy pieces boring. And I knew whom to take the book next day morning.

The story is extremely interesting and to me Pakistani daughter could have been avoided- this can be the story of any daughter in South Asia (there can be variance in the degree of expected obedience). Sarah is the daughter of a middle class retired army officer. Sarah has dreams and she considers the impediment towards fulfilling them is one and only thing- FAMILY (a conservative Pakistani family according to her where affections and freedom are often skewed to the male progeny-Sarah’s Bhaiya). Sarah has to follow rules, be it coming back home before Maghreeb, or helping Ammi in house-hold chores and above all, if going out with friends, adhering to the “rule of odds” (explained below) through the pic.

And Sarah is angry, with the bottled up anger within her increasing by the day and almost coming to the point of explosion. Of course she hates this discrimination. She hates being subjected to “ oppression  differing standards of obedience between her and her brother“… and she decides to confront… until she hears this…

“Sarah is amazing today, the perfect daughter, the most obedient”… and suddenly family beckons, tugs at the string of her heart… and…

This reminded me of a recent discussion I had in a cohort about Family- is family a safety net or a coercive system. How does it look at gender? And above all why was the family formed? Is it about safety or patriarchy?  And what Sarah felt, have I not gone through the same, struggling hard to be the perfect daughter, aiming to please parents and also subtly gaining my freedom in exchange of chores/1^st class marks/being the best in everything?

Next morning had a workshop with the mobilization team of a partner organization of ours. The team is large –around 20 people (including my own team) coming from all across India. This was the last day of the 3 day process and all were discussing that mobilization in the community if tough, since girls donot want to work post training, the parents are not ready and above all (in sheer frustration), they donot understand the fruits of empowerment. The gender ratio was 50:50, mostly the cluster managers being males and the mobilizers being women.  And many of these girls had for the first time come to Mumbai or come out of their hometowns.  Morning while having breakfast, I just put the book and many started gliding through the pages. Few started smiling shyly, few got engrossed within the pictures, few started certain questions?  And soon we started asking what is obedience? Is it important? They all smiled and said, yes, one should listen to their parents. I asked again. And now they started laughing and said- “ But if we had been obedient, we wouldn’t have been sitting here today, none of us… “…..It was a very interesting discussion- all shared their experiences, at what point and time, they all said, “ enough is enough and that was when they really, strongly felt the need of pursuing something”… and then one of them smiled and said- maybe we are unable to mobilize since the girls in the community are not strongly clinging onto something for which they would come to us. We go to them with our readymade offering. We have to fill in batches. But do we know the melting point of their tolerance, when they will negotiate against these impediments to fulfill what they want. That’s a longer, painful process. Madhuri, one of them was in tears and said- “You know, for the last 2 days, we had been speaking “them”and  “us”, whereas its always us… we are no different from our girls, but we forget that often.. we donot connect.. we donot understand how intoxicating the heady feeling of being an “obedient daughter” is.. how can I come out of that? Its not a 10 minutes canvassing that can help, its only through connecting with them, keeping things aside that may help?” The next half an hour were debates and discussions, about family, freedom and often questioning- “why is it Pakistani daughter, she should have left it Daughter only, why don’t you tell her that?”

I had to obey the demand. I wrote to Ayesha locating her on Facebook- telling her what my team feels about the name and the overall story… and thanking her for bringing the narrative out.

Our reading in the meantime continues…

Tamara Drew-refreshing

This is going to be a short blog.
Tamara Drew, by Possy Simonds as any other books i read these days, was a chance encounter at British Library.
This is a graphic novel, and a modern day version of Hardy's Far From the Madding Crowd, with Tamara Drew, remodelled version of Bathsheba Everdene.
The story ahs funny twists and loved reading it.
Tamara Drew has long appeared as comic strips in Guardian.
This is a full version book.
Read it, if you can.